I don't cook. I mean, I try to cook, but I'm just not very good at it. Since the time I set the oven on fire, I've been kind of scared of the crackling and popping sounds that food makes when it's reaching a certain point of heat.
Josh is a wonderful cook. He can look at a recipe and cook it and it be delicious. If he didn't cook, we would be broke all the time or we would be starving all the time. I'm very thankful that he has a good relationship with the kitchen and all the appliances that live there.
But all good things must come to an end. If not an end, a temporary hard halt. Josh is currently grounded from the stove for the rest of the week. Why would I do such a thing, am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. I realize that we may be out of money for a bit, since we will be eating mostly drive-thru and take out this week. I also realize that I may have to brave the stove myself, which terrifies me. Lastly, I realize that worst case scenario, we starve to death. The three possibilities are all quite scary, but I feel they are necessary evils.
Sunday morning, I woke up the mouth-watering smell of cinnamon rolls. I rolled out of our big, fluffy bed and dragged myself into the kitchen. With a beautiful light gleaming around them in all of their iced goodness was freshly baked cinnamon rolls sitting on top of the oven, just waiting to be in my belly. I've never been so happy in my life. I ate two of them and contemplated eating a third, but I needed to get ready for church and I needed my pants to fit. So I left those heavenly rolls and went on my way.
Josh and I got ready, went to church, spent time with my family, Josh played golf, etc, etc. We didn't get home until late Sunday night. The next morning I get up and those cinnamon rolls are still sitting on top of the oven, looking wonderful. I reached over to grab one and felt something hot on my arm.
I look at the dials on the stove (is that what they're even called?) and noticed that the oven was set to 350 degrees--just as it was the previous morning. THE OVEN HAD BEEN ON FOR OVER 24 HOURS. I immediately called Josh and told him what he did.
"You're not allowed to touch the stove....for the rest of the week." I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"The oven has been on since yesterday morning!" I yelled. "Not only could we have burned our house down, but we could have burned an ENTIRE APARTMENT COMPLEX down." I said.
"How do you plan on eating for the rest of the week?" He asked.
"......." I was at a loss for words. I hadn't thought that far into the conversation. I have still not given him an answer as to how we are going to feed our bodies for the rest of the week, but we had take-out last night and left overs tonight. I feel good that I have kept us alive for this long.
When I got off the phone with him, the newspaper headline flashed in my mind:
NEWLYWEDS BURN DOWN COMPLEX
I cringed at the thought. That's just what this little town needs, formerly known as Lauren Thornton burning down an apartment complex. I didn't even cook!
We were very, very lucky and now my obsession with the stove being off is in full swing.
Oh. Great.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Honeymooners
The honeymoon was very impromptu to say the least. Daddy surprised us on our wedding day by telling us he had paid for a cabin in the Desoto Falls State Park. We left for this place as soon as we could.
I say this place because it was in Mentone, Alabama, which is somewhere neither of us had never heard of. The drive was an estimated 2-3 hours and we had nothing packed. We hurried back to the house, grabbed some clothes and our toothbrushes, and headed into the unknown.
Seriously, it was the unknown, because we had NO CLUE where we were going.
I thought we were going to get a divorce before we even arrived at the park.
I made Josh drive my car and he drove way too fast. He was going around these curves and up this mountain while I was screaming, "SLOW DOWN!"
His reply to me was, "If the speed limit is 65, I can go around the curves at 65. If I couldn't they would lower the speed limit."
"If you want to wreck your truck, that's fine, but YOU WILL NOT WRECK MY CAR." I said.
So here I am, sitting in the passenger's seat of my own car, with my veil still on, and a look of sheer panic on my face. We made it to the little town and Josh's number one priority was to find a gas station that sold beer. He found one, but they didn't sell his kind of beer (it all taste like pee to me). We asked the lady at the register how to find the park and her directions were as followed:
"Take the road on the left and when it forks off, go up the mountain."
Well alright then.
We took the road on the left, but it was pitch black so we couldn't see where the fork was and in as long as it took me to inhale, we were in Leather Face's driveway. Okay, it wasn't the real Leather Face, but I know they had some chain saws hidden somewhere on that property and I'm guessing someone knew how to use them.
We backed up and tried the way the lady told us again. After trying this three times, we finally see a faded out, TINY sign that pointed us in the right direction. Up the mountain we went and Josh found a gas station that sold his kind of beer. We were making progress at last.
We found the place, got checked in, and tried to find the cabin. We knew it was the last cabin on the road and I tried telling Josh which road to take, but he didn't listen because I only talk to hear my beautiful voice. After him yelling at me when he realized he was wrong, we took the right road and found our cabin.
Now it gets juicy...
This place is totally dark and when we open the screen door, it goes "SSSSSCCCCCRRRREEEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHH." I knew right then that we were going to get chopped up by some crazed maniac in the woods.
Crazed lunatic aside, I put on my new lingerie, walked out of the bedroom and stood in front of him with my hands locked together in front of me and said, "...so...wanna like, go smoke or something?"
I won't give you the rest of the details.
The next morning, I wake up and this amazing man is laying beside me. We smile at each other and realize we are husband and wife, and this is how it will be for the rest of our lives. It was so beautiful and sweet. We walked out to the screened in porch and the sun was shining through the woods in front of the cabin. That was beautiful too, and so peaceful.
When I decided to take a shower was when the peace ended. I didn't bring shampoo. I didn't bring soap. I didn't bring conditioner. But that was okay! The cabin had some! No. The cabin had a bottle of shampoo the size of my finger, and after using a can of hairspray on my hair the day before, I needed every drop of it. After using this stuff, my hair looked like I had stuck my finger into an electric socket. There would be no pictures today. To top it off, Josh comes in and says, "Hey babe, your window is broken."
I laugh because that stuff doesn't happen on your honeymoon. "You're kidding." I said. "Stop kidding." I said.
He wasn't kidding. "I tried to get it back up, but it just falls down," he said.
The motor on my window had gone out and it was supposed to rain. Instead of freaking out, which is what I did, Josh tried to fix it. Unfortunately that didn't work, because neither of us knew anything about a broken window motor. All I knew was that we needed something to wedge it shut. We rolled up a semester's worth of paper and tried to make a wedge. When that didn't hold, I grabbed my handy-dandy flip flop and rolled it into a wedge.
It got us back home and we lived happily ever....well...we're definitely happy.
I say this place because it was in Mentone, Alabama, which is somewhere neither of us had never heard of. The drive was an estimated 2-3 hours and we had nothing packed. We hurried back to the house, grabbed some clothes and our toothbrushes, and headed into the unknown.
Seriously, it was the unknown, because we had NO CLUE where we were going.
I thought we were going to get a divorce before we even arrived at the park.
I made Josh drive my car and he drove way too fast. He was going around these curves and up this mountain while I was screaming, "SLOW DOWN!"
His reply to me was, "If the speed limit is 65, I can go around the curves at 65. If I couldn't they would lower the speed limit."
"If you want to wreck your truck, that's fine, but YOU WILL NOT WRECK MY CAR." I said.
So here I am, sitting in the passenger's seat of my own car, with my veil still on, and a look of sheer panic on my face. We made it to the little town and Josh's number one priority was to find a gas station that sold beer. He found one, but they didn't sell his kind of beer (it all taste like pee to me). We asked the lady at the register how to find the park and her directions were as followed:
"Take the road on the left and when it forks off, go up the mountain."
Well alright then.
We took the road on the left, but it was pitch black so we couldn't see where the fork was and in as long as it took me to inhale, we were in Leather Face's driveway. Okay, it wasn't the real Leather Face, but I know they had some chain saws hidden somewhere on that property and I'm guessing someone knew how to use them.
We backed up and tried the way the lady told us again. After trying this three times, we finally see a faded out, TINY sign that pointed us in the right direction. Up the mountain we went and Josh found a gas station that sold his kind of beer. We were making progress at last.
We found the place, got checked in, and tried to find the cabin. We knew it was the last cabin on the road and I tried telling Josh which road to take, but he didn't listen because I only talk to hear my beautiful voice. After him yelling at me when he realized he was wrong, we took the right road and found our cabin.
Now it gets juicy...
This place is totally dark and when we open the screen door, it goes "SSSSSCCCCCRRRREEEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHH." I knew right then that we were going to get chopped up by some crazed maniac in the woods.
Crazed lunatic aside, I put on my new lingerie, walked out of the bedroom and stood in front of him with my hands locked together in front of me and said, "...so...wanna like, go smoke or something?"
I won't give you the rest of the details.
The next morning, I wake up and this amazing man is laying beside me. We smile at each other and realize we are husband and wife, and this is how it will be for the rest of our lives. It was so beautiful and sweet. We walked out to the screened in porch and the sun was shining through the woods in front of the cabin. That was beautiful too, and so peaceful.
When I decided to take a shower was when the peace ended. I didn't bring shampoo. I didn't bring soap. I didn't bring conditioner. But that was okay! The cabin had some! No. The cabin had a bottle of shampoo the size of my finger, and after using a can of hairspray on my hair the day before, I needed every drop of it. After using this stuff, my hair looked like I had stuck my finger into an electric socket. There would be no pictures today. To top it off, Josh comes in and says, "Hey babe, your window is broken."
I laugh because that stuff doesn't happen on your honeymoon. "You're kidding." I said. "Stop kidding." I said.
He wasn't kidding. "I tried to get it back up, but it just falls down," he said.
The motor on my window had gone out and it was supposed to rain. Instead of freaking out, which is what I did, Josh tried to fix it. Unfortunately that didn't work, because neither of us knew anything about a broken window motor. All I knew was that we needed something to wedge it shut. We rolled up a semester's worth of paper and tried to make a wedge. When that didn't hold, I grabbed my handy-dandy flip flop and rolled it into a wedge.
It got us back home and we lived happily ever....well...we're definitely happy.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Here's my life
So here is my life: I am 22, I have been married for a whopping 5 months (which automatically makes me an expert), I am a senior in college, and I work part-time. I have had a miscarriage, which has consumed every life decision since July 13, 2012 and I hope to have another baby soon. Yes, soon.
This blog was started because there is no way I am the only person in the world who has realized after about the 3rd day of marriage that it wasn't all candles and smell good stuff. Also, I want to inform people, young girls specifically, that marriage is HARD WORK. It is getting up and going to work, coming home exhausted, and there being dishes piled up in the sink.
Marriage is: Waking up beside the person of your dreams and being so in love with him...until he opens his mouth and a whole night full of bacteria makes its way to your nostrils, but you kiss him anyway.
Marriage is: Eating out of a can at the last of the month, because all of your money is saved for bills and you can't afford to go out to eat or buy groceries.
Marriage is: Rubbing lotion, cream, whatever kind of salve you can find on his giant hives because he is itching to death and it hurts you to look at them.
Marriage is: Him holding your hair and taking care of your completely non-deserving self, because you stupidly drank too much and you can't stop vomiting banana flavored vodka and jello shots.
Marriage is: Not all fun and games, but it is one of the best experiences in life.
Follow me on my journey as I learn more about married life and what comes with it!
This blog was started because there is no way I am the only person in the world who has realized after about the 3rd day of marriage that it wasn't all candles and smell good stuff. Also, I want to inform people, young girls specifically, that marriage is HARD WORK. It is getting up and going to work, coming home exhausted, and there being dishes piled up in the sink.
Marriage is: Waking up beside the person of your dreams and being so in love with him...until he opens his mouth and a whole night full of bacteria makes its way to your nostrils, but you kiss him anyway.
Marriage is: Eating out of a can at the last of the month, because all of your money is saved for bills and you can't afford to go out to eat or buy groceries.
Marriage is: Rubbing lotion, cream, whatever kind of salve you can find on his giant hives because he is itching to death and it hurts you to look at them.
Marriage is: Him holding your hair and taking care of your completely non-deserving self, because you stupidly drank too much and you can't stop vomiting banana flavored vodka and jello shots.
Marriage is: Not all fun and games, but it is one of the best experiences in life.
Follow me on my journey as I learn more about married life and what comes with it!
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