The Honeymooners

The honeymoon was very impromptu to say the least. Daddy surprised us on our wedding day by telling us he had paid for a cabin in the Desoto Falls State Park. We left for this place as soon as we could.

I say this place because it was in Mentone, Alabama, which is somewhere neither of us had never heard of. The drive was an estimated 2-3 hours and we had nothing packed. We hurried back to the house, grabbed some clothes and our toothbrushes, and headed into the unknown.

Seriously, it was the unknown, because we had NO CLUE where we were going.

I thought we were going to get a divorce before we even arrived at the park.

I made Josh drive my car and he drove way too fast. He was going around these curves and up this mountain while I was screaming, "SLOW DOWN!"

His reply to me was, "If the speed limit is 65, I can go around the curves at 65. If I couldn't they would lower the speed limit."

"If you want to wreck your truck, that's fine, but YOU WILL NOT WRECK MY CAR." I said.

So here I am, sitting in the passenger's seat of my own car, with my veil still on, and a look of sheer panic on my face. We made it to the little town and Josh's number one priority was to find a gas station that sold beer. He found one, but they didn't sell his kind of beer (it all taste like pee to me). We asked the lady at the register how to find the park and her directions were as followed:

"Take the road on the left and when it forks off, go up the mountain."

Well alright then.

We took the road on the left, but it was pitch black so we couldn't see where the fork was and in as long as it took me to inhale, we were in Leather Face's driveway. Okay, it wasn't the real Leather Face, but I know they had some chain saws hidden somewhere on that property and I'm guessing someone knew how to use them.

We backed up and tried the way the lady told us again. After trying this three times, we finally see a faded out, TINY sign that pointed us in the right direction. Up the mountain we went and Josh found a gas station that sold his kind of beer. We were making progress at last.

We found the place, got checked in, and tried to find the cabin. We knew it was the last cabin on the road and I tried telling Josh which road to take, but he didn't listen because I only talk to hear my beautiful voice. After him yelling at me when he realized he was wrong, we took the right road and found our cabin.

Now it gets juicy...

This place is totally dark and when we open the screen door, it goes "SSSSSCCCCCRRRREEEEEEAAAAACCCCCHHHHHHH." I knew right then that we were going to get chopped up by some crazed maniac in the woods.

Crazed lunatic aside, I put on my new lingerie, walked out of the bedroom and stood in front of him with my hands locked together in front of me and said, "...so...wanna like, go smoke or something?"

I won't give you the rest of the details.

The next morning, I wake up and this amazing man is laying beside me. We smile at each other and realize we are husband and wife, and this is how it will be for the rest of our lives. It was so beautiful and sweet. We walked out to the screened in porch and the sun was shining through the woods in front of the cabin. That was beautiful too, and so peaceful.

When I decided to take a shower was when the peace ended. I didn't bring shampoo. I didn't bring soap. I didn't bring conditioner. But that was okay! The cabin had some! No. The cabin had a bottle of shampoo the size of my finger, and after using a can of hairspray on my hair the day before, I needed every drop of it. After using this stuff, my hair looked like I had stuck my finger into an electric socket. There would be no pictures today. To top it off, Josh comes in and says, "Hey babe, your window is broken."

I laugh because that stuff doesn't happen on your honeymoon. "You're kidding." I said. "Stop kidding." I said.

He wasn't kidding. "I tried to get it back up, but it just falls down," he said.

The motor on my window had gone out and it was supposed to rain. Instead of freaking out, which is what I did, Josh tried to fix it. Unfortunately that didn't work, because neither of us knew anything about a broken window motor. All I knew was that we needed something to wedge it shut. We rolled up a semester's worth of paper and tried to make a wedge. When that didn't hold, I grabbed my handy-dandy flip flop and rolled it into a wedge.

It got us back home and we lived happily ever....well...we're definitely happy.